Listen to Your Soul

(Same blog as YK 2011, adapted)

Most people generally love Chanukka or Passover. Some really go all out on Purim. Others love Rosh Hashana.
When someone asks me what my favorite Jewish holiday is, they are often quite perplexed by my answer. Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday. Let me explain.

My ex husband and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 16, were the best of friends and after a couple of years, something happened and our friendship blossomed into something more . I was not religious growing up but I always went to synagogue on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Every year on Yom Kippur, while in the sanctuary, I felt a small tug in my heart from all the beautiful tunes and words...Sometimes so much so that I would cry, even at age 8. At 18, we started dating and at 21 we broke up. At 24, we found our way back to each other and moved across the country together (from Montreal to Vancouver). We were essentially married in all ways...Except that we weren't really. At 28 we got married officially. My ex was not interested in Judaism or any religion for that matter. Little did I know what a central and core part of me I was giving away by marrying him...I remember a couple of months after our wedding, it was Yom Kippur and I was in synagogue without him. Except this time, it was no longer small tugs on my heart, it was a powerful and breath stopping pull that I had never ever felt before. I was moved to tears...As I looked over the mechitza(separation between men and women in an Orthodox synagogue), I was overcome with the most intense and overwhelming sense of clarity...I had married the wrong man. As I looked over the mechitza and saw all the little boys sitting on their Abas' laps, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my children would never experience Yom Kippur with their Aba if I stayed married to my husband...

My soul was screaming in pain, howling in agony and I listened to it. I listened to my Pintele Yid( my G-dly spark) and I followed it on a journey into the unknown. And for over a decade, I have experienced the true beauty and joy of Yom Kippur...The Day of Atonement...My time to reconnect with Abaleh, my Father in Heaven. My time for opportunity to renew my relationship with Him and the people I love and care about. The fasting can be challenging, but it serves as a really important and useful purpose in my opinion.

Yom Kippur is going to look very different this year than it has in past years, as I will be home with the little ones most of the time. I will likely not have many (or any) opportunities to be in synagogue, but I intend to find opportunities to steal some time to talk to Abaleh and thank Him yet again for pushing me to the place that I am at now: married to the perfect man for me, entrusted with raising three of His Precious Jewels.

My dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I was all those years ago, come back Home. Abaleh is right here, waiting to hear from you, waiting to shower you with an abundance of blessings. Listen to your soul. It knows best.

Gmar Chatima Tova with Love,
Cigal

My Elul Checklist

In the Jewish tradition, the month of Elul is a time of Teshuva(repentance)in preparation for the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. The Talmud writes that the Hebrew word "Elul" can be expanded as an acronym for "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li" - "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3). Elul is seen as a time to search one's heart and draw close to God in preparation for the coming Day of Judgement, Rosh Hashana, and the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. 

It is a great time of year to let go of past grievances with people and an equally great time to ask Hashem to support us in granting those people complete and total amnesty. This can sometimes be very difficult, especially if we've been badly hurt and if the residual feelings of pain have not been dealt with.

Make a list of all the behaviors and incidents over the past year that you would like to be forgiven for. Then make a list of all the people with whom you have grievances and write down what you need to forgive them for, while asking Hashem for the support you need to rid your heart from hatred, anger, resentment and jealousy.

You are a beautiful person, both inside and out and Hashem is RIGHT here, in the field, waiting to hear your tfilot(prayers). He loves you and wants only what's best for you. He knows you MUCH better than you know yourself, so let go and let G-d in.

As Jews, we are so incredibly blessed to have been given this amazing opportunity to do some serious cheshbon hanefesh(soul searching/self examination) and to begin a New Year with a clean slate.

Let us take the opportunity head on and make Hashem, our Father in Heaven, proud of us for making the effort to start a new year from scratch.

With Love,
Cigal

G-d Bless the Ganenot

Every Friday, my kids come home from their respective ganim(preschools) with folders that hold all their artwork from the week as well as a note from the teachers about what they learned during the week.In our family, I generally gather all the artwork as soon as they get home on Friday, find good spots on my already very decorated walls and hang them up. People who come to our home often think that I run a preschool from home, as my children's colorful and creative artwork is plastered all over the walls, windows and doors. It makes them super proud to see their work and it puts a huge smile on my face when I see all the wonderful things my children are learning.

This past Friday night, after lighting Shabbat candles, my children and I were sitting and cuddling on the couch when I said: "Kids, you must be learning about Teshuva(repentance) as we're getting so close to Yamim Noraim(Days of Awe)". My oldest, 4 year old boy then says to me"Teshuva, v'Tfila u'Tzedaka Ma'avirin et Roa HaGezera"(Repentance,Prayer and Charity wipe out a harsh verdict). Then my daughter, 3 years old says to me: "Eyze hu Gibor? Ha kovesh et Yitzro"(Who is a hero? He who conquers his desires). My two year old kept pointing at a picture he drew, saying ;"Daka, Daka"( Tzedaka, of the charity box he colored in his preschool).


My 4, 3 and 2 year olds, all born and being raised in THEIR land. The land that Hashem promised to all of us. It brings tears of pride and joy to my eyes when my small children come home quoting Torah and even more so when they explain their quotes beautifully.

I feel incredibly blessed by the beautiful ganenot(preschool teachers) that we (and Hashem) have chosen for our children.

Hodu L'Hashem Ki Tov, Ki L'Olam Chasdo!

With Love,
Cigal