There's No Place Like Home

My country is under under attack. A constant barrage of rocket attacks have become the routine of daily life in Sderot, a city in the South of Israel. Twelve years of rockets sent by Palestinian terrorists, day in day out, sending panic stricken children and families running for shelter. No civilized country would stand for this as long as Israel has.

In the past week, the terrorists have expanded their scope and missiles have been falling in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Gush Etzion, Kiryat Malachi, Beersheva and Rishon L'Tzion, just to name a few. Sons, sons-in-law, husbands, fiances, brothers and fathers all over the country have been called up for duty in Gaza, working around the clock to protect us, the citizens. Mothers, wives, daughters, daughters-in-law and sisters, are staying up all night worrying about the whereabouts and the safety of their loved ones.

 

This week, a couple old friends of mine said" Cigal, why don't you pack your family up and come back home?(to Montreal)...Leave that craziness behind". With three little ones under the age of three, I have to admit, I stopped to think about what that would be like for me and my family...

When I was here, the summer before I made Aliyah, suicide bombers were blowing up buses left and right, leaving dozens of casualties and broken families on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. I remember the day I was getting on the plane going back to Vancouver(my home at the time), there was a double suicide bombing (ie a suicide bomber waited for two buses to be next to each other before detonating). The bloodbath was indescribable in words. I remember some of the casualties being young children and babies. And there I was, at Ben Gurion Airport, waiting for my flight to Vancouver. I remember the feelings of devastation that took over the very core of my being. I remember asking myself: "Why the hell am I going back to Vancouver when my people's blood is continually being spilled here? Why is my blood redder than theirs? I should be nowhere else but here!". I remember like it was yesterday, sitting on that plane, crying my eyes out for most of the flight and asking myself that very question. By the end of the flight, I had made my decision. The following summer I would return to Israel and never leave again (unless for a visit).

I have been here for some of the Second Intifada, the Expulsion of Jews from Gush Katif(Gaza),the Second Lebanon War, the first Gaza War (Operation Cast Lead) and now, Operation Pillar of Defense in Gaza again...But now there are three young, precious and innocent souls in my care that will be living and facing these kinds of realities, too.  It saddens me to no end to think that my not even 3 year old knows what a saferoom and a shelter are. That he's been instructed by his preschool teachers as well as by me on what to do in the case of an air raid siren. And this is his reality. It is the reality of every baby, child, teenager and adult that lives in our beloved country.

 

So, in answer to your question dear friends in Montreal, NO. I will not be packing up my family and going back "home". I AM HOME. Life can be really hard here. It can even be scary to live here sometimes. But as Dorothy so eloquently put it, "There's no place like home".

With Love,

 

Cigal

Keep the Faith

Thirteen years ago, living in Vancouver, with my aching soul and my crashing marriage, I was swimming in a pool of heartache and pain...My soul was desperately yearning to return to its Source, to reconnect to its Heavenly Father, to heal its brokenness...And so the marriage ended and the journey for my True Self began.

I was no stranger to my Jewish roots, as I grew up going to Jewish elementary and high schools, but once I began to go back to those roots by reading, learning and re-learning the prayers I had learned  many, many years before, I discovered how devoid of G-d and spirituality my life had been up to that point.

I began going to Torah(bible) classes given by different rabbis and their wives....I started attending services every Friday night and Saturday morning. Sooner than I knew it, I became a part of a wonderful and very close knit community with a wonderful Rabbi and his fantastic wife. Their warmth, love, support and deep connection to G-d was both inspiring and contagious.

Three years later, I came to Israel to learn Torah for a summer and while here, there were bus bombings and bloodshed every week. I remember ever so distinctly thinking to myself " How can I go back to Canada now? Why is my blood better than my brothers and sisters who live here? Why should I be off the hook? I belong HERE, not there." Instead of watching Jewish history unfold from afar, I decided to take part in MAKING Jewish history happen. The following summer, I made Aliyah(moved to Israel) and never looked back.

When I made Aliyah, I did it alone. No husband, no kids and no immediate family here, waiting to help me with my transition. Those first years were both very difficult and very rewarding at the same time.
I put all my faith and trust in my Father in Heaven and I knew that He had brought me here for a reason. That He really wanted me to be here, even though it was hard. I came here hoping to meet the right man right as I got off the plane, to get married, have kids and to build our "Bayit Ne'eman B'Yisrael"(Our home faithful to the Traditions of Israel). G-d had other plans for me. I had to date a lot, get frustrated a lot, lose hope many times (for short periods at a time) and pray even harder every time, before G-d felt that my husband and I were ready for each other.

I remember a few months before I met Hubby I ended a very painful and unhealthy relationship. One of the Rabbis wives that I was learning Torah with here(who remains an inspiration to me til this day) had called to check in and see how I was feeling after I had told her of the breakup. I told her the following" Hashem (G-d) is testing me. He's trying to push me way from Him, but I won't let him do that. I'll just pray harder and do more to make Him proud of me".

Four months later, I met my husband and 8 months after that, we were married. Now, BH(Thank G-d), we've been married  4 years and have 3 beautiful children whom we adore and whom we feel tremendously blessed with.

The moral of my story? Keep the faith. Just when you think all hope is lost, that's when there's so much hope to be revealed to you. Just when you feel at your lowest and weakest point, that is when you canreach within yourself and become the strongest and the best YOU that you've ever been.

All my Love,
Cigal

From the Beginning

It's been MONTHS since I last wrote an entry. It's been months since I've felt there was anything meaningful to share. And now I'm kicking myself, thinking back to so many special and meaningful things that have gone on in my life in the last few months, wondering why I didn't write them.There are important lessons to be learned from this. Even the smallest things can be meaningful. Sometimes, although it seems that there's nothing much to say or nothing much to share from our daily life, if one takes a deep look within, it becomes obvious that there is so much there...

Dear readers, I'm not done here. In fact, I'm only just beginning.

With Love,
Cigal

Music to My Ears

There is no music to my ears that is more beautiful than that of my children's laughter.
Nothing in the world brings me more joy than their joy.

My two year old has many sweet pastimes, but my absolute favorite one is when he intentionally attempts to make his sister laugh. This happens on a daily basis and I must say that my little girl finds her big brother to be hysterically funny...So much so, that sometimes, he will succeed in getting her to laugh incessantly, from the deepest place in her little belly.

We are now in the month of Adar...Mishenichnas Adar Marbin B'Simcha(When the month of Adar arrives, we increase our joy!). During this month, we recall the miracle of Purim, when our ancestors were saved from destruction by the evil Haman.

As their Ima (Mom),  I feel as though it's my job to keep that Adar feeling in our home all year round. To sing with them, laugh with them, act silly with them....To lose all inhibitions and join their sweet, innocent and fun loving world...
I'm all for increasing joy during Adar, but why shouldn't that joy carry over throughout the rest of the year???

With Love,
Cigal

I'm not helpless

Chilul Hashem. The Desecration of G-d's name. I see it everywhere. It's all over the news, both National and International. The small sect of Sikrikim who call themselves Haredim (G-d fearing Jews)are walking the streets of Bet Shemesh(very close to where I live), terrorizing young girls and women. Subhuman animals are molesting innocent children in Nachlaot, Jerusalem and not getting caught. Young hooligans are actively involved in Tag Mechir (vandalizing Arab property)...How can it be that people who claim to love G-d, His Torah and His Mitzvot(commandments) can commit the gravest of crimes by desecrating His Holy Name??

My heart aches. I stay up at night wondering why this is happening within my people and what I can do to stop it. The Torah states very clearly "Lo Ta'amod Al Dam Re'echa"....Literally, this means do not stand idly by and watch your brother bleed....In other words, do not let your brother/sister suffer without trying to help him/her.

Every minute of every day, we all have opportunities to do a Kiddush Hashem...To sanctify His Holy Name, rather than ,heaven forbid, desecrate it. A heartfelt compliment and expression of gratitude to our spouse. Fun and quality time spent with the kids. A visit to an elderly and lonely person. A smile and a "Good Morning" to the street cleaner. An "I'm sorry" to someone we've wronged. I truly believe that Hakadosh Baruch Hu smiles at us when He sees us treating our loved ones and even perfect strangers with love and respect. On the flipside, I think that He cries bitter tears when He sees His children behaving in ways that hurt their fellow brothers and sisters.

I wish I could single handedly make the Sikrikim stop terrorizing my holy sisters. I wish I could catch all the evil molesters and throw them in jail for life. I wish I could put an end to Tag Mechir. I can't. But that doesn't mean that I can't do anything. I'm not helpless.

I can look for my own meaningful opportunities to do a Kiddush Hashem( a sanctification of G-d's name). I can give up my seat on the bus for the older gentleman without a kippa (skullcap). I can express my love and appreciation to my husband and my kids on a daily basis. I can buy a warm drink and a sandwich for a person begging for money on the street. I can connect with people who are very different than I am. I can cook meals for new moms. I can invite random new people I meet in the supermarket to my home for Shabbat.

We can all do these things. Every small act of chessed (kindness) counts.

With Love,

Cigal

Priceless

I am a strong believer in "teachable moments". Maybe it's the former teacher in me speaking, but I like finding golden opportunities to teach my kids important life lessons.

 My little boy and I generally sit together in the early am before my daughter wakes up and we eat a bowl of cereal together. It's our special time together before I bring him to preschool. The other day, he decided not to wait for me and to get his own cereal. He got the cereal and the milk, a bowl and a spoon. He sat down at his very own special table and poured himself some cereal. I was in the kitchen finishing up making his lunch. When I went in to see him, he had unfortunately poured the entire jug of milk into his little bowl and the inevitable result was spilled milk all over the table and all over him. Here was a perfect teachable moment. I could have gotten annoyed at him. I could have raised my voice. But in a case such as this, I knew that it must have been an accident and that he must have lost his grasp on the jug. In Judaism, there's an important concept of Dan L'Kaf Zchut, judging your fellow Jew favorably. I said to my little boy" It's okay my sweet boy. This was an accident. You were being an independent big boy, getting your breakfast by yourself. Maybe the milk jug was a little too heavy for you. Maybe next time, call Ema to pour the milk". Right after this lesson, I found the little guy unrolling an entire roll of toilet paper, cutting the paper into tiny shreds and throwing it ll over the floor. This time I said to him" Honey, this is NOT an accident. It's not nice to give Ema more cleaning work." As soon as I said that, the little guy got down on the floor, picked up all the pieces and threw them in the trash can. I was so proud of him :)


Today, I went shopping with my little girl. I was looking for winter hats for her, my boy and for myself. We were in a busy store filled with customers. I took two different children's hats off the rack to have a look at. Suddenly the place got so overcrowded and my little girl was getting antsy and hungry, so we left. A few minutes later, I looked on the top of the stroller and saw the two hats on there. Those hats had come with me out of the store without being paid for. When I realized what had happened, I told my little girl" Ema made a big mistake. Let's go fix it". We went back to the store and I returned the hats to their proper shelves. I told the saleswoman what had happened and apologized profusely. I was grateful that my daughter had witnessed it all.

My daughter is almost 8 months old and my son is 2 years old, but I don't believe that children are ever too young to learn from their environment. I talk to my kids. I admit and take responsibility when I've made a mistake. I look for opportunities to teach them things that might help them in the future.

Teachable moments are priceless.

With Love,
Cigal

An Attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes, life gets a little too comfortable. Sometimes, we begin to take things for granted. Sometimes we forget that every single detail in our life is a GIFT FROM G-D...Recently, I noticed that there were certain aspects of my life that I was taking for granted and not showing enough gratitude, either to G-d or his messengers that provide me with daily, if not hourly, reasons to be grateful. If I really sat and thought about it, I'm sure I could come up with hundreds more reasons to be grateful, but here is a shortened list:

1) I am grateful that I was born in Canada and that I was able to experience falls and winters there growing up. Playing in the beautiful changing/falling leaves, building snowmen and making snow angels as a child were very special and irreplaceable parts of my childhood.

2) I am grateful that I was born to the two parents I was blessed with. Through the years, being their daughter has taught me a lot about myself and the kind of woman I want(ed) to grow to become.

3) I am grateful to my parents for speaking to me in Hebrew and French while I was growing up, as now I am fluent in three languages.

4) I am grateful to my surrogate sisters in Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver, Atlanta and beyond, who have taught me the true value of real friendship.

5) I am grateful to my ex husband for loving me enough to let me go.

6) I am grateful to Rabbi Ross Singer and his wife Emily for helping me to connect with the deepest part of myself  and encouraging me to begin my journey into the rich world of Yiddishkeit.

7) I am grateful to Rabbi Fass and Nefesh B'Nefesh (www.nbn.org.il) for helping me realize my dream of making Aliyah and then giving me a job as a Pre Aliyah Counselor for my first year and a half here.

8) I am grateful to Prof. Reuven Feuerstein (www.icelp.org) for giving me a job as a mediator in his holy center of miracles.

9) I am grateful to all the different guys I went on dates with before I met my husband, as every wrong date brought me closer to my soul mate.

10) I am grateful for Facebook as it allows me to stay connected to people I love and it serves as a great tool for educating the rest of the world and trying to change their misconceptions about the amazing place I live in.

11) I am grateful to live in a community full of people who do tremendous chessed (acts of loving kindness). One of the many examples is not allowing me to cook a single meal for my family for a whole month, after each time I gave birth.

12) I am grateful to G-d for bringing me my sweet, caring, loving and devoted Hubby at the perfect time.

13) I am grateful to G-d and to Hubby for making me an Ema (mother) to my two precious jewels.

14) I am grateful for the fantastic medical care I received during my pregnancy, during labour and during my stays in the hospital post deliveries.

15) I am grateful that Hubby's income allows for me to stay home with our kids and to be there for all of their important milestones.

16) I am grateful for Shabbat. To this day, I have no idea how I managed living a life without it.

17) I am grateful each morning I wake up to the sound of Hubby and our special little treasures.

18) I am grateful for cool and sunny days around this time of year.

19) I am grateful for my crockpot, which allows for me to make yummy and healthy meals without having to hang out for hours in the kitchen.

20) I am grateful for the shows "Law and Order" and "Glee", the two shows that Hubby and I enjoy watching together after the kiddies have gone to sleep.

21) I am grateful for SKYPE, as it allows for my kids to develop and maintain relationships with their grandparents who live on the other side of the world.

22) I am grateful for G-d's mitzvot, His Commandments, as they encourage me to live a rich life of striving to become the best Me that I can be.

23) I am grateful for Ben & Jerry's, as their sinfully decadent ice creams are wonderful treats, especially on a hot summer day (or any other day, for that matter).

24) I am grateful for good music and fun times dancing with my kids.

25) I am grateful for being able to see the good that comes from very painful events in my life and encouraging the people I love to do the same.

Dear reader, take a good and honest look at your life. There's no question in my mind, that you too, have many, many things to be grateful for. I truly believe that only good things can come from developing an attitude of gratitude.

With Love,
Cigal