A Smile from the Heart

A smile from the heart. A heartfelt" Good Morning", "Good Evening" or "Shabbat Shalom" when we pass someone on the street are all messages Hubby and I try to impart to our children. We never know what kind of an impact any of these messages can have on the receiver. Maybe the person is a street cleaner who woke up at the crack of dawn to start his/her daunting job of cleaning all the garbage that had piled up on the sidewalks and streets. Maybe it was the hungry bus driver, eagerly awaiting his lunch break. It could have been a random woman who hardly slept the night before because her baby was teething. Or maybe it was a random man who was racking his brain trying to figure out how to put food on the table for his family.

I am a big believer in speaking to the heart of the person before whom I am standing and I thank G-d every day for the opportunities that He gives me to teach this important and very valuable lesson to my children.

On our way to his preschool every morning, my five year old and I keep seeing the same very sweet street cleaner who always has a big smile on his face. "This man works very hard every single day so that he can put food on the table for his family", I tell my boy. "Not only does he work hard for his family, but he also works very hard for us and the rest of the people that live in Ramat Beit Shemesh, so that we can walk on clean streets".

This morning, my boy spotted him before I did. It so happens that I had picked up some danishes for the kids for after preschool and for my little guy as a prize after his imminent blood test. I suddenly had what I thought was a great idea. " My boy, here. Go give the nice man a couple of danishes for his coffee break." My boy and I walked over to the street cleaner and with big smiles we said" Here, take some cakes for when you have a coffee break". The sweet man broke out into a giant smile and thanked us profusely for the treats. When we left him, my five year old said" Ema, he said thank you to us so many times".

And that, my boy, is a lesson we can all learn from, for even in the midst of cleaning filth and garbage, this sweet holy man finds reasons to smile every morning and to thank his Creator for all that He gives him.

With Love,
Cigal

Stolen Innocence

The flood gates have finally opened. My eyes are burning and I can taste the bitter tears, rolling down my cheeks as I am now able to sit with my aching broken heart and try to process the horrific and unspeakable murders that happened in the Holy City of Jerusalem on Tuesday. Early in the morning, four innocent men in the middle of their morning prayers were brutally murdered by Arabs along with a heroic Druze policeman who tried fighting off the terrorists.

I was waiting at the doctor's office with my almost 5 year old when I heard the news over the phone. I kept my reaction very calm and stoic and was relieved to see him playing in a far off corner where he couldn't hear me talking. After seeing the doctor, it was clear that my boy needed to be home for a couple of days so he could rest and go back to his preschool feeling much better.

Almost five, three and a half and almost 2 1/2. My three small, innocent and pure children, living in a terrifying world where there are people who would love nothing more than to destroy them, just because they are Jews. Those murderers have stolen away so many childhoods, so much innocence. Why do young children need to be afraid to ride a bus to school? Why must young teens lose total focus and concentration in school and be texting their mothers about how terrified they are, all day long? Why must our kids wake up from nightmares in the middle of the night  and tell their Mommies that they hope they never die? How is a crying mother supposed to explain to her children why she and the news reporter are both crying?

I want my children to have a regular childhood. I want them to keep their innocence as long as possible. I want to them to feel safe, happy and secure. I am grateful that my almost 5 year old was home with me when this last tragedy happened. I always want to be the first one to share both good news and bad news with my children. I never want them to find out from their peers or their teachers first. I want my kids to know that they can ask me anything any time and that they can share any and all of their feelings with me any time. I want to be honest with them. I want to tell them exactly what they want to know....


And yet, I think about all my fellow Israeli mothers with older children and my heart aches for both you and your children, especially now...How crushing it must have been to tell them that innocent men had been murdered in the middle of their morning prayers...How incredibly devastating it must have been to hear them ask you why those evil monsters hate us so much...How painful it must be for you to try to comfort your children when you are inconsolable...

And yet, as believing Jews, we must believe that this is all a part of G-d's plan for us, as He prepares us for welcoming Moshiach (The Messiah). I have to believe that for reasons only He knows, this tragedy will somehow improve us as a Nation. For now, all we can do is pray, be kind to one another and do the most important mission that Hashem has entrusted us with: raising the next generation of G-d loving/ G-d fearing Jews in OUR land. The land that He gave us as a beautiful gift on a silver platter. The land that we will NEVER EVER leave.

With Love,

Cigal

Our Reality

They will never feel the jitters, anticipation or excitement that one feels on his/her wedding day. They will never stand under the wedding canopy with their beloved, awaiting in anticipation for a wonderful lifetime together, although Almog and his Noy were planning to in the coming months. They will never feel the deep unconditional love that only a parent can feel when holding their newborn infant in their arms for the very first time. They will never give their parents the priceless gift of becoming grandparents....

Almog Shiloni, a 20 year old soldier from Modiin, was stabbed multiple times in the torso Monday afternoon outside a Tel Aviv train station and later succumbed to his injuries. His suspected attacker, a Palestinian man from Nablus, was arrested by police and released from the hospital for questioning by Israeli authorities Tuesday afternoon.

Shiloni was one of two Israelis killed in separate attacks Monday. A few hours after the Tel Aviv attack, a 26-year-old woman, Dalia Lemkus, was stabbed to death at a bus stop outside of Alon Shvut, south of Jerusalem.

Lemkus was laid to rest in her hometown of Tekoa on Tuesday am. Two pure and beautiful souls, murdered for their one and only crime of being Jewish. And this is the reality of the Jewish people.

We are a nation made of titanium...Strong and unbreakable....But yet, our enemies continue to try to shatter us into a million pieces with the hopes that the damage could never be repaired.The collective bitter tears, the devastation, the tragic losses and the broken hearts never seem to end, and yet, our perseverance still remains and we don't give up. Because giving up is not in the cards for us. We, the people of Israel, are exactly where we're supposed to be, as one nation and one gigantic aching heart.

The Power of Forgiveness

A couple of months ago, the kids and I were at the park one afternoon when I saw a young boy do something I thought was disgusting and unsanitary for the other children in the park. The kid's mother was sitting on a park bench, chatting away with her friends, oblivious to what had just happened. My blood was boiling. I went straight over to the boy, told him what I thought and then went to his mother to tell her what her boy had done and how she needed to stop him from doing this again. My tone was harsh, accusing and extremely judgmental.

For weeks after the incident, every time I thought about this mother and her young boy, my blood would boil. Every time I saw either one of them, I was remionded again of how angry I felt that day at the park....

Come the Aseret Yemey Teshuva(10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, The day of Atonement) and my thoughts kept coming back to this mother and her son, but this time instead of rage and judgment, the feeling of shame set in. How could I have spoken so harshly to that mother when she was surrounded by all her friends? I should have pulled her aside at least. How could I have embarrassed her so badly? What a massive transgression I had committed! The Torah forbids embarrassing another person SO adamantly! According to Torah Law, when you embarrass someone, it's as though you have committed murder.

Yesterday afternoon, the kids and I were having a stroll in our neighborhood when I saw that mother heading in the same direction as us. I told the kids" Guys, watch this! Ema has a huge mitzvah opportunity and I'm gonna take it!". The kids followed me as I ran to stop the woman. She's a Hebrew speaker who lives in our neighborhood. I told her that I was very sorry for calling her out in public a couple of months back. That it was very wrong of me to humiliate her that way. I told her that I still think that what her son did was wrong and that I still think that she should talk to him and tell him not to do that again, but that I am so very sorry about the way I dealt with the situation. The mother broke out into a huge smile and said" Wow! You're so brave! I don't think I would have had the courage to say sorry. Kol Hakavod to you(Way to go!)." She reached out and gave me a big hug, we introduced ourselves by name, wished each other "Shana Tova" (Happy New Year) and parted ways.

After parting ways, I asked my kids to replay what had happened, as I thought this was a fantastic teachable moment for them. My oldest said" Ema, you asked for forgiveness" and my daughter said" You did Teshuva" (repentance). That's right, my Angels. That's exactly it.

Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the opportunity to do the right thing and for allowing my children to witness their Ema taking responsibility for her wrongdoing, while feeling the tremendous power of forgiveness.

With Love,
Cigal

Listen to Your Soul

(Same blog as YK 2011, adapted)

Most people generally love Chanukka or Passover. Some really go all out on Purim. Others love Rosh Hashana.
When someone asks me what my favorite Jewish holiday is, they are often quite perplexed by my answer. Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday. Let me explain.

My ex husband and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 16, were the best of friends and after a couple of years, something happened and our friendship blossomed into something more . I was not religious growing up but I always went to synagogue on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Every year on Yom Kippur, while in the sanctuary, I felt a small tug in my heart from all the beautiful tunes and words...Sometimes so much so that I would cry, even at age 8. At 18, we started dating and at 21 we broke up. At 24, we found our way back to each other and moved across the country together (from Montreal to Vancouver). We were essentially married in all ways...Except that we weren't really. At 28 we got married officially. My ex was not interested in Judaism or any religion for that matter. Little did I know what a central and core part of me I was giving away by marrying him...I remember a couple of months after our wedding, it was Yom Kippur and I was in synagogue without him. Except this time, it was no longer small tugs on my heart, it was a powerful and breath stopping pull that I had never ever felt before. I was moved to tears...As I looked over the mechitza(separation between men and women in an Orthodox synagogue), I was overcome with the most intense and overwhelming sense of clarity...I had married the wrong man. As I looked over the mechitza and saw all the little boys sitting on their Abas' laps, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my children would never experience Yom Kippur with their Aba if I stayed married to my husband...

My soul was screaming in pain, howling in agony and I listened to it. I listened to my Pintele Yid( my G-dly spark) and I followed it on a journey into the unknown. And for over a decade, I have experienced the true beauty and joy of Yom Kippur...The Day of Atonement...My time to reconnect with Abaleh, my Father in Heaven. My time for opportunity to renew my relationship with Him and the people I love and care about. The fasting can be challenging, but it serves as a really important and useful purpose in my opinion.

Yom Kippur is going to look very different this year than it has in past years, as I will be home with the little ones most of the time. I will likely not have many (or any) opportunities to be in synagogue, but I intend to find opportunities to steal some time to talk to Abaleh and thank Him yet again for pushing me to the place that I am at now: married to the perfect man for me, entrusted with raising three of His Precious Jewels.

My dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I was all those years ago, come back Home. Abaleh is right here, waiting to hear from you, waiting to shower you with an abundance of blessings. Listen to your soul. It knows best.

Gmar Chatima Tova with Love,
Cigal

My Elul Checklist

In the Jewish tradition, the month of Elul is a time of Teshuva(repentance)in preparation for the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. The Talmud writes that the Hebrew word "Elul" can be expanded as an acronym for "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li" - "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3). Elul is seen as a time to search one's heart and draw close to God in preparation for the coming Day of Judgement, Rosh Hashana, and the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. 

It is a great time of year to let go of past grievances with people and an equally great time to ask Hashem to support us in granting those people complete and total amnesty. This can sometimes be very difficult, especially if we've been badly hurt and if the residual feelings of pain have not been dealt with.

Make a list of all the behaviors and incidents over the past year that you would like to be forgiven for. Then make a list of all the people with whom you have grievances and write down what you need to forgive them for, while asking Hashem for the support you need to rid your heart from hatred, anger, resentment and jealousy.

You are a beautiful person, both inside and out and Hashem is RIGHT here, in the field, waiting to hear your tfilot(prayers). He loves you and wants only what's best for you. He knows you MUCH better than you know yourself, so let go and let G-d in.

As Jews, we are so incredibly blessed to have been given this amazing opportunity to do some serious cheshbon hanefesh(soul searching/self examination) and to begin a New Year with a clean slate.

Let us take the opportunity head on and make Hashem, our Father in Heaven, proud of us for making the effort to start a new year from scratch.

With Love,
Cigal

G-d Bless the Ganenot

Every Friday, my kids come home from their respective ganim(preschools) with folders that hold all their artwork from the week as well as a note from the teachers about what they learned during the week.In our family, I generally gather all the artwork as soon as they get home on Friday, find good spots on my already very decorated walls and hang them up. People who come to our home often think that I run a preschool from home, as my children's colorful and creative artwork is plastered all over the walls, windows and doors. It makes them super proud to see their work and it puts a huge smile on my face when I see all the wonderful things my children are learning.

This past Friday night, after lighting Shabbat candles, my children and I were sitting and cuddling on the couch when I said: "Kids, you must be learning about Teshuva(repentance) as we're getting so close to Yamim Noraim(Days of Awe)". My oldest, 4 year old boy then says to me"Teshuva, v'Tfila u'Tzedaka Ma'avirin et Roa HaGezera"(Repentance,Prayer and Charity wipe out a harsh verdict). Then my daughter, 3 years old says to me: "Eyze hu Gibor? Ha kovesh et Yitzro"(Who is a hero? He who conquers his desires). My two year old kept pointing at a picture he drew, saying ;"Daka, Daka"( Tzedaka, of the charity box he colored in his preschool).


My 4, 3 and 2 year olds, all born and being raised in THEIR land. The land that Hashem promised to all of us. It brings tears of pride and joy to my eyes when my small children come home quoting Torah and even more so when they explain their quotes beautifully.

I feel incredibly blessed by the beautiful ganenot(preschool teachers) that we (and Hashem) have chosen for our children.

Hodu L'Hashem Ki Tov, Ki L'Olam Chasdo!

With Love,
Cigal