Kids are people, too

This used to be my favorite line for my father when I was a little girl. It was as though I was trying to make my voice heard while attempting to assert myself and my place in this world.

These past two weeks, through her inconsolable tears, I feel like my baby girl was trying to put out this very same message.

The sweet little darling had been nursing beautifully for the last 3 months and suddenly, two and a half weeks ago, there was a big shift in her eating patterns, which led to a downward spiral. My supply began going down, she was getting frustrated when trying to eat which then led to long and painful days filled with lots of frustration for her, for our little boy who had to hear it for hours and for me, who couldn't figure out what the heck had happened or why.

Thank G-d for a wonderful lactation consultant and a very experienced post partum doula, my eyes were opened up yesterday as to what was really going on.

Late at night when the lights are out, when the whole apartment is quiet, she and I have our real bonding time. That is a time that she and I both enjoy, as there are no distractions...No ringing phone, no super energetic and precocious little toddler running around, no laundry or dishes to be done. It's just us. Same thing in the very early hours of the morning. That is when nursing remains a most intimate and special time for her with her ima.

But just like grown ups, kids develop preferences. They develop their own personal tastes and their own little personalities. Maybe my little girl has decided that during the day, I'm too distracted for her and she just wants to eat quickly so that my focus remains just on her, at least while she eats. Maybe the fact that the bottle flow is much faster than mine relaxes her. Maybe she just prefers eating through a bottle, whether it be mommy milk or formula.

I am a big fan of breastfeeding for at least a year for many reasons. One reason is the tremendous health benefits that breast milk offers. Another reason is the beautiful intimate bonding opportunities that it offers Mamas and their babies. But here I have it. An opportunity for me to pick and choose my battles with one of my children, a very important rule of good parenting. I will definitely continue to try encouraging her to nurse more than just at night and for her first morning feed. I will pump and use all the natural herbs known to man to help me increase my milk supply. But at the end of the day, I will allow and even encourage my little girl to choose how she wants to eat. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels most relaxed. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels the most satisfied at the end of the feed. If she cries at the breast, I will have a bottle of either pumped milk or formula right next to me so that she remains calm and stops associating eating with aggravation.

My little girl is, after all, her own little person. I can have a feeding agenda of my own, but if it doesn't work for her, it's plain and simple. IT JUST WON'T WORK. And so with a lot of love, patience and flexibility, I pray that she and I continue to find our special intimate bonding moments at various times during the day.
It's all about being flexible and letting go of my own agenda. Thank G-d, she has a strong voice and will guide me down the best path for her.

With Love,

Cigal