A Good Look in the Mirror

He dons peyot(side locks) and a black hat. You see him running into a synagogue to get to prayers on time. As he exits, you see him run over to a man with his hand outstretched and place some coins in his shaking and dirty hand, while offering the needy Jew words of encouragement and strength. The man in the black hat has lips constantly moving in prayer. He learns Torah every day and does mitzvot (good deeds), except that all that changes when he walks through the door of his house and closes it at the end of the day. There, his entire demeanor changes. He becomes an angry tyrant, yelling, towering, threatening and shoving whomever gets in his way...

Her mitpachat (head covering) covers every last strand of hair on her head. Her arms are fully covered and her long skirt and dark tights ensure that her legs are fully covered as well. She's a principal at an all girls school, training young girls to value the importance of modesty and leading by perfect example. A woman in jeans and a tshirt walks by the principal at a bus stop and feels those judging eyes moving across her body...She feels the stares of disapproval and the looks of disgust....


Today after dropping my oldest son off at his preschool, I went to the center of town to grab a quick coffee to take home with me. Standing in front of me in line was a young woman with a mohawk haircut, multiple piercings in her ear and her nose and tight black pants with a short sleeved black shirt. She was being served by the young woman behind the counter, who was preparing a healthy and delicious looking sandwich for her. When the sandwich was ready, she paid, went to put the sandwich down and went to do Netilat Yadayim (ritual washing of the hands before eating bread). As she went to sit at her place, out of the corner of my eye, I watched a very beautiful moment when this young woman, filled with tremendous kavana (intent) and closed eyes, said the blessing before eating bread.


As I stood there inspired and blown away by her sincere intent, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would have never expected this from her and suddenly I felt very ugly. And very ashamed of myself. Who the heck am I to judge this beautiful young woman who is serving our Creator? The way she was dressed automatically made me judge her.It automatically made me assume that she doesn't recognize where that beautiful healthy sandwich really came from. But I was wrong. Dead wrong.

We all do it and we all must stop. The uniform is just that. A uniform. A person's truth lies within their soul and their heart not in their dress code. The kippa or lack thereof says nothing about the person's soul. The mitpachat, sheitel or mohawk are just external layers that mean so very little. We must all take a good look in the mirror and ask ourselves how we want people to judge us,  and then we must act in kind.

With Love,

Cigal