The Reflection in the Water

I am a big fan of Sefer Mishlei, The Book of Proverbs. I owe that to a very special teacher of mine at Darche Noam's Midreshet Rachel V'Chaya Seminary in Jerusalem. My favorite quote is in Mishlei 27:19, "K'Mayim Panim El Panim, Ken Lev Adam L'Adam...As water reflects a face back to a face, so one's heart is reflected back to him by another". When we look into a pond, what would we like to see reflected back at us? A smile or a frown? Obviously a smile...

I always try to make sure that the expression on my face be one that I'd want reflected back at me by someone else.  If I have a sad, grumpy or angry face, that is the face that I reflect to my husband, my children and any other person I come in contact with.

Sometimes it's hard to put a smile on...If I just got treated unkindly by an impatient bank teller, or a grumpy cab driver just yelled at me, my first instinct would be to respond in kind. To be unkind and impatient back. To yell back. But then what would that solve? No one wins in that scenario...

Imagine a different and much more productive scenario. Imagine I took the high road and said to the bank teller: "Wow, you must be having a really hard day today...People must be driving you crazy with questions and demands"... Imagine that when the cab driver yelled at me, I responded with" You have a really hard job, driving people all over the place in this crazy heat...I bet you get some very difficult passengers in here...".

In scenario one, everyone leaves with a bad feeling. In scenario two, I diffuse what could have turned into two very unpleasant interactions. G-d willing, I might even manage to evoke some positive feelings both from the bank teller and  from the cab driver.

If I smile and treat people with warmth, love and respect even when it feels very difficult to do so (ie. they're being rude, offensive, unkind, etc),there's a really good chance that my attitude will put a stop to their negative spiraling behaviours.

Give it a try, dear readers. Next time someone is rude or impatient with you, take them by surprise and empathize with them about their hard day/hard job. Show them warmth, love and respect. They won't expect this type of response from you, but when they get it, I can almost guarantee an almost instantaneous shift in their attitude.

Your warm, loving and respectful heart will be reflected right back at you.

With Love,

Cigal