People may think I'm totally crazy, but Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday.
Yom Kippur , also known as Day of Atonement, is the holiest day of the year for the Jewish people. Its central themes are atonement and repentance. How wonderful is it that every year, a Jew is given the opportunity for a brand new slate ? According to Jewish tradition, G-d inscribes each person's fate for the coming year into a book, The Book of Life, on Rosh Hashana and waits until Yom Kippur to "seal" the verdict. During the Days of Awe( between RH and YK), a Jew is meant to seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God (bein adam leMakom) and against other human beings (bein adam lechavero). The evening and day of Yom Kippur are set aside for public and private petitions and confessions of guilt (vidui). At the end of Yom Kippur, we consider ourselves absolved.
Today is Rosh Chodesh Elul...The first day of Elul. The month of Elul is a time of repentance in preparation for the High Holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Tradition teaches that the month of Elul is a particularly propitious time for repentance. It is said that during this particular month, The King(G-d) is in the Field. This means that He is close by, waiting to hear from His children. This mood of repentance builds through the month of Elul and continues all the way through to Yom Kippur.
Every Elul, beginning on Rosh Chodesh, I take it upon myself to compile a list of areas that I would like to improve in my life and begin putting it into action all the way to Yom Kippur and onwards. I write down names of people I may have offended during the past year and attempt to go back to each person to ask for their forgiveness. As much as I love keeping Shabbat, Kashrut(Keeping Kosher) and Taharat HaMishpacha (The Laws of Family Purity), they mean very little to G-d if I am unkind to my fellow man. Every Elul, I take it upon myself to really think about those times where I may have spoken harshly, acted impatiently, insulted/offended someone, acted insensitively, undermined or embarrassed someone or behaved in a way that G-d would be very disappointed in me for.
Being a relatively new wife and new mama, my main focus of repentance this year will be on my loving, kind, supportive and wonderful husband whose beautiful character traits like seeing the glass half full and judging others favorably, I will constantly strive to emulate. The other strong focus will be on my kids and being a good role model to them.
G-d is near by. He wants to hear from all of His children. He wants to see all of us working to improve our relationships. He wants to see us going that extra mile for our fellow Jew by doing random acts of kindness and helping those in need. He wants us to put our pride and egos aside and ask for forgiveness from those people we've hurt. He wants us to let go and accept apologies from those who have wronged us. Now is our time.
With Love,
Cigal
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
No Regrets
I could have...I should have...I would have...But I didn't.
When I was in high school, I had to work very hard for my grades in math and the sciences. No grade ever came easy. During those years, I dreamed of going to med school to become a pediatrician. One of my science teachers at the time said "Cigal, think of another option for yourself. You'll never make it to med school". Being a young, impressionable and very motivated student, she convinced me that it was useless to even try...
Instead I went on to do a Bachelor of Education, a Masters' in Educational Psychology and a Post Graduate Certificate in Family Systems Therapy. Years later, I thought about that phrase many a time:"You'll never make it to med school". Knowing what I know now, that teacher should have chosen a different career for herself. Educating young and impressionable minds means encouraging...It means pushing them to be the best they can be...It means helping them to achieve their goals and dreams...Sometimes I think that I should have tried to get into med school despite what she said...That I could have made it in with hard work, dedication and commitment...That I would have proven her wrong about my ability to fulfill my dreams...
But then I think about the life I've created for myself and the various stepping stones that brought me to where I am today and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have been on the exact path that I was made to be on. Some would accuse that teacher of crushing my dreams and causing me to give up my aspirations for nothing. Some would wish that she had been fired and sent to work on a farm instead of in a school. Years ago, I might have agreed with them. I might have had tremendous feelings of resentment and bitterness towards that teacher, but not anymore. Now I just feel sorry for her. Sorry that she couldn't find it in her heart to cheer me on and root for me. Sorry that instead of encouraging me or offering to help me improve my math and science skills, she chose the easier route for herself.
Having taught in a residential treatment center for kids with behavioural and emotional problems, I know what being a teacher really means. It means not just HEARING your students, but really LISTENING to them. Helping them to reach for the stars. Inspiring them to find all the good and wonder that lies within them. Encouraging them to make choices that they can later be proud of and ensuring that once they make those choices, there will be no looking back and no regrets.
I am a strong believer in living a life of no regrets. Regrets are feelings of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different. Why waste my thoughts on what I could have, should have or would have done, when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what it is I'm supposed to be doing?
With Love,
Cigal
When I was in high school, I had to work very hard for my grades in math and the sciences. No grade ever came easy. During those years, I dreamed of going to med school to become a pediatrician. One of my science teachers at the time said "Cigal, think of another option for yourself. You'll never make it to med school". Being a young, impressionable and very motivated student, she convinced me that it was useless to even try...
Instead I went on to do a Bachelor of Education, a Masters' in Educational Psychology and a Post Graduate Certificate in Family Systems Therapy. Years later, I thought about that phrase many a time:"You'll never make it to med school". Knowing what I know now, that teacher should have chosen a different career for herself. Educating young and impressionable minds means encouraging...It means pushing them to be the best they can be...It means helping them to achieve their goals and dreams...Sometimes I think that I should have tried to get into med school despite what she said...That I could have made it in with hard work, dedication and commitment...That I would have proven her wrong about my ability to fulfill my dreams...
But then I think about the life I've created for myself and the various stepping stones that brought me to where I am today and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have been on the exact path that I was made to be on. Some would accuse that teacher of crushing my dreams and causing me to give up my aspirations for nothing. Some would wish that she had been fired and sent to work on a farm instead of in a school. Years ago, I might have agreed with them. I might have had tremendous feelings of resentment and bitterness towards that teacher, but not anymore. Now I just feel sorry for her. Sorry that she couldn't find it in her heart to cheer me on and root for me. Sorry that instead of encouraging me or offering to help me improve my math and science skills, she chose the easier route for herself.
Having taught in a residential treatment center for kids with behavioural and emotional problems, I know what being a teacher really means. It means not just HEARING your students, but really LISTENING to them. Helping them to reach for the stars. Inspiring them to find all the good and wonder that lies within them. Encouraging them to make choices that they can later be proud of and ensuring that once they make those choices, there will be no looking back and no regrets.
I am a strong believer in living a life of no regrets. Regrets are feelings of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different. Why waste my thoughts on what I could have, should have or would have done, when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what it is I'm supposed to be doing?
With Love,
Cigal
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Kids are people, too
This used to be my favorite line for my father when I was a little girl. It was as though I was trying to make my voice heard while attempting to assert myself and my place in this world.
These past two weeks, through her inconsolable tears, I feel like my baby girl was trying to put out this very same message.
The sweet little darling had been nursing beautifully for the last 3 months and suddenly, two and a half weeks ago, there was a big shift in her eating patterns, which led to a downward spiral. My supply began going down, she was getting frustrated when trying to eat which then led to long and painful days filled with lots of frustration for her, for our little boy who had to hear it for hours and for me, who couldn't figure out what the heck had happened or why.
Thank G-d for a wonderful lactation consultant and a very experienced post partum doula, my eyes were opened up yesterday as to what was really going on.
Late at night when the lights are out, when the whole apartment is quiet, she and I have our real bonding time. That is a time that she and I both enjoy, as there are no distractions...No ringing phone, no super energetic and precocious little toddler running around, no laundry or dishes to be done. It's just us. Same thing in the very early hours of the morning. That is when nursing remains a most intimate and special time for her with her ima.
But just like grown ups, kids develop preferences. They develop their own personal tastes and their own little personalities. Maybe my little girl has decided that during the day, I'm too distracted for her and she just wants to eat quickly so that my focus remains just on her, at least while she eats. Maybe the fact that the bottle flow is much faster than mine relaxes her. Maybe she just prefers eating through a bottle, whether it be mommy milk or formula.
I am a big fan of breastfeeding for at least a year for many reasons. One reason is the tremendous health benefits that breast milk offers. Another reason is the beautiful intimate bonding opportunities that it offers Mamas and their babies. But here I have it. An opportunity for me to pick and choose my battles with one of my children, a very important rule of good parenting. I will definitely continue to try encouraging her to nurse more than just at night and for her first morning feed. I will pump and use all the natural herbs known to man to help me increase my milk supply. But at the end of the day, I will allow and even encourage my little girl to choose how she wants to eat. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels most relaxed. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels the most satisfied at the end of the feed. If she cries at the breast, I will have a bottle of either pumped milk or formula right next to me so that she remains calm and stops associating eating with aggravation.
My little girl is, after all, her own little person. I can have a feeding agenda of my own, but if it doesn't work for her, it's plain and simple. IT JUST WON'T WORK. And so with a lot of love, patience and flexibility, I pray that she and I continue to find our special intimate bonding moments at various times during the day.
It's all about being flexible and letting go of my own agenda. Thank G-d, she has a strong voice and will guide me down the best path for her.
With Love,
Cigal
These past two weeks, through her inconsolable tears, I feel like my baby girl was trying to put out this very same message.
The sweet little darling had been nursing beautifully for the last 3 months and suddenly, two and a half weeks ago, there was a big shift in her eating patterns, which led to a downward spiral. My supply began going down, she was getting frustrated when trying to eat which then led to long and painful days filled with lots of frustration for her, for our little boy who had to hear it for hours and for me, who couldn't figure out what the heck had happened or why.
Thank G-d for a wonderful lactation consultant and a very experienced post partum doula, my eyes were opened up yesterday as to what was really going on.
Late at night when the lights are out, when the whole apartment is quiet, she and I have our real bonding time. That is a time that she and I both enjoy, as there are no distractions...No ringing phone, no super energetic and precocious little toddler running around, no laundry or dishes to be done. It's just us. Same thing in the very early hours of the morning. That is when nursing remains a most intimate and special time for her with her ima.
But just like grown ups, kids develop preferences. They develop their own personal tastes and their own little personalities. Maybe my little girl has decided that during the day, I'm too distracted for her and she just wants to eat quickly so that my focus remains just on her, at least while she eats. Maybe the fact that the bottle flow is much faster than mine relaxes her. Maybe she just prefers eating through a bottle, whether it be mommy milk or formula.
I am a big fan of breastfeeding for at least a year for many reasons. One reason is the tremendous health benefits that breast milk offers. Another reason is the beautiful intimate bonding opportunities that it offers Mamas and their babies. But here I have it. An opportunity for me to pick and choose my battles with one of my children, a very important rule of good parenting. I will definitely continue to try encouraging her to nurse more than just at night and for her first morning feed. I will pump and use all the natural herbs known to man to help me increase my milk supply. But at the end of the day, I will allow and even encourage my little girl to choose how she wants to eat. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels most relaxed. I will encourage her to choose the way she feels the most satisfied at the end of the feed. If she cries at the breast, I will have a bottle of either pumped milk or formula right next to me so that she remains calm and stops associating eating with aggravation.
My little girl is, after all, her own little person. I can have a feeding agenda of my own, but if it doesn't work for her, it's plain and simple. IT JUST WON'T WORK. And so with a lot of love, patience and flexibility, I pray that she and I continue to find our special intimate bonding moments at various times during the day.
It's all about being flexible and letting go of my own agenda. Thank G-d, she has a strong voice and will guide me down the best path for her.
With Love,
Cigal
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Life's simple pleasures
Yesterday was a boiling hot day. So hot, that it was better to remain indoors.
Staying indoors all day with a 3 month old and an active 19 month old can be challenging, especially if they're on different schedules. Generally, the little ones go down for their afternoon naps at the same time, which provides their mama with some time to chill and take a load off. Whether it means time to nap, do some cleaning/cooking or being inspired to sit and write a blog entry, their nap time is just as important to mama as it is to them.
No such luck yesterday. I put them both down and could hear the little guy having animated conversations with his stuffed animals. I love standing near the closed door of his room and listening in...How I wish I understood his very own little language...Then I'd know what he was telling his furry little friends...
After some animated conversation, he started getting antsy. "I'll let him stay there for 15 more minutes", I told myself "and if he's still antsy, I'll take him out of bed". Fifteen minutes later, he was sounding more than ready to put an end to his conversation and come out to play.
"What should I do with my sweet little boy right now?" How can I provide for a really fun activity while his little sister is still in lalaland?", I asked myself....I thought for a couple of minutes and...Ahhh....The lightbulb went on! Or as we say here in Israel, "Nafal Ha"Aseemon".Before going to get him, I put on my bathing suit, filled up our tub with cool water, bubbles and his favorite bath toys. Then I went to get him from his room and brought him into our indoor "swimming pool". In we went. He was in heaven. We both were. He had the time of his life soaking his Ima (and flooding the entire bathroom floor) and his Ima enjoyed every second of his joy and laughter, even though it meant no "chill time"...
Sometimes life's simple pleasures, like experiencing the musical sounds of our little ones' unadulterated laughter beats any ol' nap, load of laundry or "feet up on the couch".
With Love,
Cigal
Staying indoors all day with a 3 month old and an active 19 month old can be challenging, especially if they're on different schedules. Generally, the little ones go down for their afternoon naps at the same time, which provides their mama with some time to chill and take a load off. Whether it means time to nap, do some cleaning/cooking or being inspired to sit and write a blog entry, their nap time is just as important to mama as it is to them.
No such luck yesterday. I put them both down and could hear the little guy having animated conversations with his stuffed animals. I love standing near the closed door of his room and listening in...How I wish I understood his very own little language...Then I'd know what he was telling his furry little friends...
After some animated conversation, he started getting antsy. "I'll let him stay there for 15 more minutes", I told myself "and if he's still antsy, I'll take him out of bed". Fifteen minutes later, he was sounding more than ready to put an end to his conversation and come out to play.
"What should I do with my sweet little boy right now?" How can I provide for a really fun activity while his little sister is still in lalaland?", I asked myself....I thought for a couple of minutes and...Ahhh....The lightbulb went on! Or as we say here in Israel, "Nafal Ha"Aseemon".Before going to get him, I put on my bathing suit, filled up our tub with cool water, bubbles and his favorite bath toys. Then I went to get him from his room and brought him into our indoor "swimming pool". In we went. He was in heaven. We both were. He had the time of his life soaking his Ima (and flooding the entire bathroom floor) and his Ima enjoyed every second of his joy and laughter, even though it meant no "chill time"...
Sometimes life's simple pleasures, like experiencing the musical sounds of our little ones' unadulterated laughter beats any ol' nap, load of laundry or "feet up on the couch".
With Love,
Cigal
Thursday, August 4, 2011
In the Moment
Sometimes, the moment we're in is one we wish would end instantly, like the blink of an eye. Other times, that moment is one we wish would last a lifetime...
Like tonight when both my little ones were crying for their mama at the same time...That is a moment (or an hour...or two) that I wish would end instantly. Or when one of them is hurting...I wish the pain would end right then and there. When I was going through the agony of my divorce, I remember begging G-d to make the heart ache stop as soon as possible, saying that I wish I had a magic wand that would make it all disappear...
And then there are those moments that we wish would never end...Like standing under the chuppah (wedding canopy) with your new spouse...Or going away on a spontaneous vacation, when nobody knows where you are. When your toddler hugs you tight, or as you hold your baby, she/he stares at you straight in the eyes, as though the two of you are the only ones in the entire world...
It's so much easier to be "in the moment" when we want to be there...And it can be so incredibly difficult to be "in the moment" when it hurts.
But more often than not, there is a silver lining to be found in that painful moment. Something important to be learned. Some kind of epiphany to be had. Something life changing that comes about from just allowing ourselves to "be in the moment".
I am a big believer in "sitting with the pain" rather than trying to escape it. If I am here, it's EXACTLY where I am supposed to be at this moment. What am I going to take away from it? What am I going to learn in order to be able to move past this painful place I am in?
G-d provides us with hundreds, if not thousands of opportunities, throughout our lifetimes to grow and to improve ourselves...To become better, more self-aware and more thoughtful people. It is up to us entirely to decide whether to take those opportunities and run with them or to remain in a state of denial and lying to ourselves...
When the busy lives we all lead quiet down, even just for a little while...When all there is, is us and the pain, that is the moment of truth. That is when we can reach deep within ourselves, take a hard and truthful look at the mirror and begin the journey back to the most important place there is...The real me...The real YOU.
Even being "in the moment" with the tears of our children is meant to teach us valuable lessons...Lessons that will in turn, allow us to become the best mothers and fathers we can be to our little ones...
With Love,
Cigal
Like tonight when both my little ones were crying for their mama at the same time...That is a moment (or an hour...or two) that I wish would end instantly. Or when one of them is hurting...I wish the pain would end right then and there. When I was going through the agony of my divorce, I remember begging G-d to make the heart ache stop as soon as possible, saying that I wish I had a magic wand that would make it all disappear...
And then there are those moments that we wish would never end...Like standing under the chuppah (wedding canopy) with your new spouse...Or going away on a spontaneous vacation, when nobody knows where you are. When your toddler hugs you tight, or as you hold your baby, she/he stares at you straight in the eyes, as though the two of you are the only ones in the entire world...
It's so much easier to be "in the moment" when we want to be there...And it can be so incredibly difficult to be "in the moment" when it hurts.
But more often than not, there is a silver lining to be found in that painful moment. Something important to be learned. Some kind of epiphany to be had. Something life changing that comes about from just allowing ourselves to "be in the moment".
I am a big believer in "sitting with the pain" rather than trying to escape it. If I am here, it's EXACTLY where I am supposed to be at this moment. What am I going to take away from it? What am I going to learn in order to be able to move past this painful place I am in?
G-d provides us with hundreds, if not thousands of opportunities, throughout our lifetimes to grow and to improve ourselves...To become better, more self-aware and more thoughtful people. It is up to us entirely to decide whether to take those opportunities and run with them or to remain in a state of denial and lying to ourselves...
When the busy lives we all lead quiet down, even just for a little while...When all there is, is us and the pain, that is the moment of truth. That is when we can reach deep within ourselves, take a hard and truthful look at the mirror and begin the journey back to the most important place there is...The real me...The real YOU.
Even being "in the moment" with the tears of our children is meant to teach us valuable lessons...Lessons that will in turn, allow us to become the best mothers and fathers we can be to our little ones...
With Love,
Cigal
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