I hate fear. I hate the way it can take over one's life. Fear is what makes people stay in bad jobs, unhealthy friendships and bad marriages. Fear is what holds people back from taking that leap of faith and leaving the bad job, ending the friendship and leaving the marriage.
When I was planning my Aliyah, I was living in Vancouver, loving my warm, wonderful and close knit religious Jewish community. I was working as a school counselor at a couple of inner city schools and making a very nice and comfortable income. This allowed me to have my own very nice apartment, a new car and a nice savings account. And yet, my heart and soul were deeply yearning for more...
When I first brought up the idea of Aliyah, there were two camps: one camp that said" Wow, way to go, Cigal! You're so brave! Go live your dream!" and the other camp that said" Oh my G-d, Cigal! What are you, NUTS??? Look at you? You have the perfect job, a great apartment, a great community...Why the heck would you give all that up to move to a war zone??" Those naysayers, inevitably, instilled a sense of fear and doubt in me..."What if Israel really is nothing but a pipe dream? What if I go there and I don't find work? What if I struggle to find a community? What if I don't meet anyone I can build my life with?..."
"NO. I'm not gonna listen to them. I know that I have to do it. Israel is where I belong."
I remember repeating that phrase OVER and OVER again for months, like a mantra, until I got on that Nefesh B'Nefesh flight and stepped off the stairs onto the tarmac at Ben Gurion Airport. It was when my two feet touched the ground here that I was overcome by a tremendous sense of calm. I DID IT. I ignored the naysayers. I got inspired and fueled by my supporters and here I was, about to live my dream.
In my seven years here, I have done and accomplished so much more than I and my naysayers could ever have dreamed of. I try to imagine what would have happened had I listened to them and allowed fear to take over me...Hubby and I would still be walking around aimlessly, searching for each other...Our precious little jewels would still be waiting for their missions here on Earth...And I would probably still be in Vancouver, living a good life instead of in Israel, living an extraordinary one...
My dear readers, don't let fear trap you in a place where you'll never be able to spread your wings and fly. Never listen to the naysayers in your life who try talking you out of the voices in your heart and your soul that tell you that you want and need more.You deserve to live your dreams.
With Love,
Cigal
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Free Love
No, I'm not talking about the 60's...I'm not talking about their motto of"Make Love, Not War".
I'm talking about the here and the now. I'm talking about left wing and right wing Jews. I'm talking about religious and not religious Jews. Chareidi (Ultra Orthodox) and Modern Orthodox. I'm talking about the scary, SCARY state of affairs our people are in. We are in danger. The world is looking at us through a magnifying glass. We are being watched by hawks. Our cousins want us out of our land. OUR land. The land that is rightfully ours. And the countries of the world are either bystanders who won't get involved or they're openly critical of every move we make.
We need to STOP in our tracks and look within. Forget the world for a minute. Look at your brothers and your sisters who have different political opinions than you. Look at your fellow Jews who are more or less observant than you are. How do you communicate with them? In your heart of hearts, in the depths of your soul, what do you feel about a Jew who does everything differently than you? We MUST do a cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of the soul. We must swallow our pride and find the good in our brothers and our sisters, even if we don't agree with them...We need to unite as a people. As a nation. Our future is at stake and it's up to US, not the world, to stand up and be strong.
Tomorrow is going to be a very emotionally charged day, as our people welcome Gilad Shalit back home (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilad_Shalit). Israel and Hamas sealed a deal last week through Egyptian mediation that will see Shalit freed in exchange for 1,027 Arab prisoners, many of them involved in masterminding or carrying out terror attacks against Israelis. To say the least, the exchange is bittersweet. Speaking for myself, I am thrilled that Gilad will go home to his family, where he belongs. But the price is so hard to swallow. The people being freed are not in jail for parking or traffic violations. These are monsters. 905 life sentences and more than 4,400 years in jail for the ones who don't have life sentences. Our people are in grave danger, as these monsters go back to resume their lives and plan the next attacks to kill off as many of us as possible.
I'm talking about the here and the now. I'm talking about left wing and right wing Jews. I'm talking about religious and not religious Jews. Chareidi (Ultra Orthodox) and Modern Orthodox. I'm talking about the scary, SCARY state of affairs our people are in. We are in danger. The world is looking at us through a magnifying glass. We are being watched by hawks. Our cousins want us out of our land. OUR land. The land that is rightfully ours. And the countries of the world are either bystanders who won't get involved or they're openly critical of every move we make.
We need to STOP in our tracks and look within. Forget the world for a minute. Look at your brothers and your sisters who have different political opinions than you. Look at your fellow Jews who are more or less observant than you are. How do you communicate with them? In your heart of hearts, in the depths of your soul, what do you feel about a Jew who does everything differently than you? We MUST do a cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of the soul. We must swallow our pride and find the good in our brothers and our sisters, even if we don't agree with them...We need to unite as a people. As a nation. Our future is at stake and it's up to US, not the world, to stand up and be strong.
Tomorrow is going to be a very emotionally charged day, as our people welcome Gilad Shalit back home (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilad_Shalit). Israel and Hamas sealed a deal last week through Egyptian mediation that will see Shalit freed in exchange for 1,027 Arab prisoners, many of them involved in masterminding or carrying out terror attacks against Israelis. To say the least, the exchange is bittersweet. Speaking for myself, I am thrilled that Gilad will go home to his family, where he belongs. But the price is so hard to swallow. The people being freed are not in jail for parking or traffic violations. These are monsters. 905 life sentences and more than 4,400 years in jail for the ones who don't have life sentences. Our people are in grave danger, as these monsters go back to resume their lives and plan the next attacks to kill off as many of us as possible.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Listen to your Soul
Most people generally love Chanukka or Passover. Some really go all out on Purim. Others love Rosh Hashana.
When someone asks me what my favorite Jewish holiday is, they are often quite perplexed by my answer. Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday. Let me explain.
My ex husband and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 16, were the best of friends and after a couple of years, something happened and our friendship blossomed into something more . I was not religious growing up but I always went to synagogue on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Every year on Yom Kippur, while in the sanctuary, I felt a small tug in my heart from all the beautiful tunes and words...Sometimes so much so that I would cry, even at age 8. At 18, we started dating and at 21 we broke up. At 24, we found our way back to each other and moved across the country together (from Montreal to Vancouver). We were essentially married in all ways...Except that we weren't really. At 28 we got married officially. My ex was not interested in Judaism or any religion for that matter. Little did I know what a central and core part of me I was giving away by marrying him...I remember a couple of months after our wedding, it was Yom Kippur and I was in synagogue without him. Except this time, it was no longer small tugs on my heart, it was a powerful and breath stopping pull that I had never ever felt before. I was moved to tears...As I looked over the mechitza(separation between men and women in an Orthodox synagogue), I was overcome with the most intense and overwhelming sense of clarity...I had married the wrong man. As I looked over the mechitza and saw all the little boys sitting on their Abas' laps, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my children would never experience Yom Kippur with their Aba if I stayed married to my husband...
My soul was screaming in pain, howling in agony and I listened to it. I listened to my Pintele Yid( my G-dly spark) and I followed it on a journey into the unknown. And for over a decade, I have experienced the true beauty and joy of Yom Kippur...The Day of Atonement...My time to reconnect with Abaleh, my Father in Heaven. My time for opportunity to renew my relationship with Him and the people I love and care about. The fasting can be challenging, but it serves as a really important and useful purpose in my opinion.
Yom Kippur is going to look very different this year than it has in past years, as I will be home with the little ones most of the time. I will likely not have many (or any) opportunities to be in synagogue, but I intend to find opportunities to steal some time to talk to Abaleh and thank Him yet again for pushing me to the place that I am at now: married to the perfect man for me, entrusted with raising two of His precious jewels.
My dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I was all those years ago, come back Home. Abaleh is right here, waiting to hear from you, waiting to shower you with an abundance of blessings. Listen to your soul. It knows best.
Gmar Chatima Tova with Love,
Cigal
When someone asks me what my favorite Jewish holiday is, they are often quite perplexed by my answer. Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday. Let me explain.
My ex husband and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 16, were the best of friends and after a couple of years, something happened and our friendship blossomed into something more . I was not religious growing up but I always went to synagogue on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Every year on Yom Kippur, while in the sanctuary, I felt a small tug in my heart from all the beautiful tunes and words...Sometimes so much so that I would cry, even at age 8. At 18, we started dating and at 21 we broke up. At 24, we found our way back to each other and moved across the country together (from Montreal to Vancouver). We were essentially married in all ways...Except that we weren't really. At 28 we got married officially. My ex was not interested in Judaism or any religion for that matter. Little did I know what a central and core part of me I was giving away by marrying him...I remember a couple of months after our wedding, it was Yom Kippur and I was in synagogue without him. Except this time, it was no longer small tugs on my heart, it was a powerful and breath stopping pull that I had never ever felt before. I was moved to tears...As I looked over the mechitza(separation between men and women in an Orthodox synagogue), I was overcome with the most intense and overwhelming sense of clarity...I had married the wrong man. As I looked over the mechitza and saw all the little boys sitting on their Abas' laps, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my children would never experience Yom Kippur with their Aba if I stayed married to my husband...
My soul was screaming in pain, howling in agony and I listened to it. I listened to my Pintele Yid( my G-dly spark) and I followed it on a journey into the unknown. And for over a decade, I have experienced the true beauty and joy of Yom Kippur...The Day of Atonement...My time to reconnect with Abaleh, my Father in Heaven. My time for opportunity to renew my relationship with Him and the people I love and care about. The fasting can be challenging, but it serves as a really important and useful purpose in my opinion.
Yom Kippur is going to look very different this year than it has in past years, as I will be home with the little ones most of the time. I will likely not have many (or any) opportunities to be in synagogue, but I intend to find opportunities to steal some time to talk to Abaleh and thank Him yet again for pushing me to the place that I am at now: married to the perfect man for me, entrusted with raising two of His precious jewels.
My dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I was all those years ago, come back Home. Abaleh is right here, waiting to hear from you, waiting to shower you with an abundance of blessings. Listen to your soul. It knows best.
Gmar Chatima Tova with Love,
Cigal
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