How can I?

There are so many places I would love to take my children this summer...The ocean, a public swimming pool, a fun water hike,an amusement park....

But how can I allow for my little ones to squeal in joy and delight when my other children are in very serious danger, fighting for their own existence, as well as ours? How can I go on vacation-like outings when my beautiful boys and girls in uniform are getting ambushed, seriously injured and killed? When rockets and missiles are constantly being targeted at us , with the goal of killing us all? How terrifying would it be if I were to take my little ones to the ocean or the swimming pool and a siren were to go off while we were in the water? At least at home, I know they're safely tucked away in their beds as the siren sounds.

And what about those evil terror tunnels? Hamas had been planning a surprise attack where 200 fighters would have been dispatched through the dozens of tunnels that they had dug under the border from Gaza to Israel. The goal was to seize kibbutzim and other communities while killing and kidnapping Israeli civilians. In total, thousands of Hamas terrorists would have been swarming across Israel, wearing IDF uniforms, which would have further complicated an Israeli response. So now we know this. And that is why we must finish the very dirty job that we started. And at the same time, we need to continue living while still remaining alert and cautious about whom and what surrounds us at at every given minute.

In this excruciating summer heat, how much would I love to take my little ones to the ocean and watch them shriek with joy and delight as the cool waves splash against their beautiful sun-kissed faces? But how can I, when my beautiful boys and girls in uniform are outdoors on extremely dangerous territory, with no respite from the unbearable scorching sun? These young heroes don't even know if they'll ever return home again. Or if they'll ever get to hug and kiss their mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers again.

I hate that our enemies have pushed us into this corner...I hate that the children and families in my country are being cheated from a fun and enjoyable summer. I hate that my holy children in uniform are faced with insane moral dilemmas every single minute of every single day, while their peers outside of Israel are partying it up at coffee shops, bars and outdoor fun.

I'm sorry,  my sweet and beautiful children , but we're going to have to lay low this summer. I look forward to the day that I don't have to hesitate or worry about taking you out for a day of fun.

With Love,
Cigal

The Beautiful Woman

Who are you? What are you? Where do you find the strength? Are you all logic? All heart? Or a little bit of both?

People say you're weak and sensitive. People often treat you with kid gloves, as they would a china doll, for fear of breaking you.

You're often the one who prepares all the meals and keeps the house clean.
When someone is sick, you're right there offering hugs and comfort around the clock.
You're the director of your department and the head of maintenance.
You may be a nursery teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a psychologist or a teacher.
Or your job may not pay you a salary.

You may wear a size two, and maybe you wear a size 12.
You are whole and beautiful, no matter what your shape or size is.

Your words provide a sense of security, love and comfort to those around you.
Your lips are constantly moving in prayer for their well being for now and for ever.
Your hearty belly laughs when you're happy are contagious.
The cries from the depths of your soul when you're sad make others want to hold you.
When something wonderful happens for you or someone you love, you cry tears of joy.

Your intuition guides you when you allow it to.
You feel deeply and listen with your heart.

You are somebody's wife and you may be someone's mother. You are a woman. A strong, beautiful and courageous woman.

Feel proud about who you are.

With Love,
Cigal

Incomplete

We have now entered the period of the Nine Days, a period of heavy grief, mourning and impending tragedies for the Jewish people.

The Torah describes the famous story of the 12 spies ― one from each tribe ― who are sent into Israel to explore the land. Their mission is to determine how to battle the Cananites and then settle 3 million men, women and children in the new land. The spies are sent to check out fortification of the cities, geography of the land, opportunities for farming and commerce, the best access routes, etc.

In Israel, God shows them signs that the land is indeed plentiful and rich: They find a cluster of grapes so enormous that eight men are needed to carry it.God also makes sure the spies encounter heavily fortified Cananite cities ― which in fact is a sign of Cananite weakness, since anyone who is truly powerful does not have to hide behind big walls.
In addition, G-d planned the death of a Cananite nobleman to coincide with the spies’ visit, so that the locals would be too busy with funeral arrangements and mourning to notice the spies. Everything was perfectly orchestrated; nothing could possibly go wrong.

Yet somehow, things do go wrong. After 40 days, the spies came back and 10 of them recommended against entering the land. They reported: “We can’t succeed because everything is huge!” ― a reference to the gigantic fruits. “We can’t succeed because the land devours its inhabitants!” ― a reference to the funeral. “And we can’t succeed because it’s too strong!” ― a reference to the heavily fortified walls. (see Numbers 13:31-33).

The Nation of Israel accepts the very negative report, and gives up their dream of going into Israel. The consequence? If you don’t want to enter the land, says G-d, then you won’t enter the land. All Israelites will die out over the next 40 years in the desert, and only their children will enter the land.

Numbers 14:1 tells us the people’s reaction to this news: “The people wept that night.” That night was Tisha B’Av, the ninth day of the Jewish month of Av. God declared: “They cried for no reason; in the future I’ll give them good reason to cry.”


Throughout history, terrible things have happened to the Jewish people on Tisha B'Av. The First Temple was destroyed by the Babylonians under Nebuchadneazar. The destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans, under Titus. The Spanish Inquisition. World War I began. World War II began. Deportations to Treblinka began. The deadly bombing of the Jewish community center in Buenos Aires. The Expulsion from Gush Katif was during the Nine Days.

And all of these tragedies stem from us, The Nation of Israel, and our tremendous lack of gratitude to Hashem, our Father in Heaven, when He was giving us the most beautiful gift that we downright rejected. The Land of Israel.

To all my brothers and sisters here in Israel, by living here we are doing our repair work but we need help from our brothers and sisters outside of here. Dear Diaspora Jews, we are incomplete without you. We need you. Without you, we are missing vital organs and limbs. Unlike the report of the spies that "the land devours its inhabitants", take a look around you. Vicious acts of anti-Semitism continue to grow around the world...Montreal, Calgary, Toronto, France...The other countries of the world are devouring their inhabitants...The only safe place for a Jew is in his natural habitat. ISRAEL.

With Love,
Cigal

What I need

When I lived in Vancouver as a single woman, I owned a nice car and had a beautiful apartment with hardwood floors overlooking beautiful snow-capped mountains. I had excellent job satisfaction working in my career of choice as a school counselor. I went on vacations to Whistler and Montreal and had money leftover for shopping and going out to restaurants whenever I felt like it....

As a married woman living in Israel, I have three beautiful children(BA"H). We live in a small two bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen and no counter space. We don't have a car. We rely on buses and trains for our modes of transportation. I have been home raising my children since my first was born 4 1/2 years ago and am planning to go back to work in September, G-d willing. If I'm very lucky, my salary will be half what it was in Vancouver. We don't go on vacations. I haven't visited Canada in 4 years. We go to restaurants once a month, maybe less. Shopping usually happens when my mom comes to visit. Yet, if I'm to be honest with myself, we have everything we need(even though we don't have everything we want, like a car and some counter space in the kitchen).

Before Eyal, Gilad and Naftali got kidnapped, I was really feeling the lack of materials in my life and fantasizing about how much easier life would be for us in Canada...We'd probably own a house, have a mini van, send our kids to Jewish day schools, send them to after school programs like ballet and tae-kwon-do just like all our friends there do...We'd have money to go on family vacations, maybe even a trip to Disney World...Most importantly, we would be keeping them safe by keeping them away from the army...

And then we discovered that our three boys had been murdered and my whole world and all my fantasies crashed beneath me. It could have been any one of us. It could have been one of my own sons that I birthed, G-d forbid. My upstairs or downstairs' neighbor's son. It could have been one of my cousins, friends, co-workers....

And then Operation Tzuk Eitan began in Gaza. And every day, the death toll rises.

And every day, another piece of our collective heart breaks with each soldier we lose. It's an unbearable load to bear. Sometimes it feels like I seriously can't breathe. But that is EXACTLY why we MUST go on and that is EXACTLY why I must stay here. To stop the war now means that those holy and precious lives were wasted. For me to contemplate leaving this land that I love so much just for "an easier life" no longer makes any sense to me.

As I read editorials and opinion pieces about the war in Gaza, it becomes clearer and clearer by the minute that the world hates the Jews. A Jew is not safe ANYWHERE but here.  Because this is our home. This is where my children are gonna grow up. This is where they will flourish as good, strong and contributing members of a society that needs them so. And instead of sitting in a classroom in Canada learning about Jewish history or sitting in a comfortable armchair watching the news unfold, they will be MAKING Jewish history.

What more do I need?

With Love,

Cigal

Speak Your Truth with Love

We live in a religious community with mostly wonderful people who do tremendous chessed(good deeds) and are constantly striving to improve their relationship with G-d and their fellow Jew. There are many lovely parks for small children to play in and some fantastic pre-schools. But our community is very much lacking activities for our tweens and teens. We don't have anywhere for them to gather in healthy and positive ways , such as a clubhouse, a pool hall, basketball courts, a soccer field, a swimming pool or a skating park.Unfortunately, bored teens with no healthy outlets turn to all kinds of problematic behaviors, such as drinking, smoking, using drugs and vandalism.

About a month ago, my 22 month old baby fell on his hand at a park down the street from our home and got a cut that was bleeding profusely. I was sure a piece of glass went in. There happened to be a Hatzala ambulance right near there, so I ran over with my crying baby...The guy washed his wound, bandaged him up and told me to go to my doctor. My doctor wasn't working that day. The doctor I took him to washed the hand, glued it and wrapped it up. I told her I was sure there was something in there and she adamantly disagreed. She said it looked worse than it was. That night( The eve of Shavuot), little guy pulled off the glue and the bandage.The wound got totally infected even with me putting on antibiotic cream and bandages twice a day . On Friday am, his doctor said to continue with the antibiotic cream until Sunday and that if it wasn't improving, we'd put him on oral antibiotics. I told his doctor I was sure it wasn't going to help because I was now 1000% sure there was something stuck in his hand. After a week of antibiotics, I brought him back to his doctor who said "you're probably right...go to emergency". They did an xray and I, a complete layman, saw something obviously there. They tried local anesthetic and couldn't get it out because it was too deep, so he got admitted for surgery. He stopped eating at 11am.At 12:45 am, late Wednesday night or early Thursday am, they took him in for surgery and told me it would last the most an hour. I was the only one in the waiting room, with pitch black hallways surrounding me and not a soul in sight. My heart was palpitating like it never had before.At 3:20 am( almost 3 hours later), the surgeon came out with a little jar and the piece of glass(the size of my pinky nail). Apparently, the glass had punctured an artery and two nerves, so they had to do reparative surgery to boot and then he had to be on IV blood thinners for 5 full days. 

My heart aches for my brave little soldier who sat with a shard of glass in his hand for 2 1/2 weeks and barely complained. My emotions range from rage at the first doctor for undermining my very strong motherly instincts that something was in his little hand. Then the rage moves to our bored teens who hang out in the parks drinking beer and vodka. Out of sheer boredom and thoughtlessness, these wayward youth go on to smash their empty bottles on the ground where little children play. And then there's our mayor and his municipality workers who do very little, if anything to fix the problem...

I have lived here for almost 6 years and have accepted all these things like most of the other residents do, But NO MORE ACCEPTANCE. It's time to speak up. No more complacency.

The other night, as I was heading home from the supermarket, I saw a large group of teen Hebrew speaking boys smoking, being ultra loud and boisterous and hanging out on the stairs by a park near my home. I walked past them and then decided "Nope, G-d is giving me an opportunity and I'm not gonna miss it".

I walked back to the boys, stopped and wished them a good evening with a big smile on my face. I then proceeded to ask them if they ever indulge in a nice cold beer or a refreshing bottle of vodka in the parks. They rolled their eyeballs at me and one of them said" No, we don't drink at all, it's so bad for us". He laughed and then he rolled his eyes again. I didn't let that stop me. I said" Do you ever see anyone else drink and then break their bottle?" "Ya", said the ringleader. "But I never do that"(he got softer). I said"The reason I'm asking is because my baby fell on a piece of broken glass at the park and had to have major surgery". The Ringleader looked white like a ghost. I said "You boys look like good boys"(they totally LOOKED and ACTED the part of beer-bottle-smashing-teens). "I'm sure you guys are also smart boys and you know not to throw bottles on the ground, especially in a park where children play. But I'm asking you to help me out here. If you see anyone doing that, please remember my baby and tell his story". The Ringleader was silent and looked distraught after I shared our story.

If I positively affected even ONE of those 15 teens to do the right thing, that's a great start.


With Love,
Cigal

Unbreakable

They want to break us. They want no remnant or reminder of the Jewish people. They steal our children. They shoot them. They bludgeon them to death. They blow up our buses filled with innocent civilians, adults and children alike, they blow themselves up in coffee shops and nightclubs and they break into our homes in the still of the night, leaving blood baths. They celebrate in the streets with each murder they accomplish. Our excruciating agony and pain gives them great joy. But they can't break us, because we are unbreakable.

The entire nation of Israel is made up of one giant heart. A giant heart that celebrates together and that grieves together. For the last 19 days, our nation has gathered together in the most united and beautiful of ways. Prayer groups, bringing in Shabbat early together, rallies to #BringBackOurBoys, making meals for soldiers who were risking their lives around the clock to try to find our stolen boys.

On a daily basis, our small nation is filled with differences of opinion, sometimes very heated ones. But Gil-Ad, Naftali and Eyal made every barrier, every bone of contention and every disagreement practically disappear. For 18 days, our nation stood strong, proud and united with a common goal and a shared mission.


I am sitting here, struggling to catch my breath as the tears roll down my face. My emotions fluctuate between deep anguish and sadness, to anger and rage. The world has become a much darker place ever since it lost our three beautiful boys. But their light will not be extinguished because it is in their merit that the nation of Israel saw such beautiful unity and togetherness.

As a believing woman, I look up into the heavens and cry out to you, Abbaleh, my father in Heaven...Why did this happen? Were our joint prayers not enough? We left divisiveness aside and were a true team...Why didn't you listen to us???

But I have to believe that G-d DID listen to our prayers, and that just as a father would always like to say "yes" to all of his children's requests, sometimes he must say "no" though the child might not understand why. So too our Father in Heaven heard our prayers, and though we don't understand why, His answer was 'no'.

To my devastated brothers and sisters, it is true that we are crushed. And heartbroken. And filled with a wide range of emotions including rage. But let us continue on our beautiful path of love for one another, unity and common mission. We will sob, we will grieve and we will heal because we are unbreakable.

May the holy beautiful souls of Eyal, Naftali and Gil-Ad rise to the highest possible level and may they smile down at their beautiful and unbreakable nation, Am Yisrael.

יהי זכרם ברוך