She's tall, slim and beautiful. Her thick, healthy-looking and gorgeous head of curls bounce as she walks down the street, causing people to turn heads as she smiles at them with her perfect pearly whites. She is the envy of every woman who looks at her and the object of desire of every man whom she shares eye contact with.
He's handsome, slender and muscular. The cool kid. All the guys want to hang out with him and all the girls go all googly eyed when he smiles his charming and beautiful smile at them.
But it's all external. Inside, that tall and beautiful girl hides mountains of junk food in her closet, ravages all of it and then sticks her finger down her throat to purge her body. When she looks at herself in the mirror, she sees a big, fat and scary looking monster...Not the beauty that everyone else sees. She cries herself to sleep at night and wonders how much longer she'll need to endure and when the pain will finally end. From close up, she has a gorgeous smile, but if you look deeper, you see the sadness etched deeply into her eyes and the lines surrounding them.
He is in agony most of the time. He gets these horrible cramps in his abdomen and a sense of urgency to run to the washroom to either throw up or to have a bowel movement(or both). He can't keep down any solids or liquids. There is no time to waste. If he doesn't get to the washroom ASAP, he'll embarrass himself with an accident, wherever he may be (at the mall, in class, at a party). At times, he may run and use the handicapped washroom stall because all the other stalls are taken and he simply can't wait. And then come the dirty looks and accusatory comments from the other people waiting in line. "You're not handicapped. Why would you use a handicapped stall?". The truth is, HE IS handicapped. He simply CANNOT wait. He has Crohn's Disease.
When I was 23 years old, I got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, an incredibly painful and debilitating inflammatory bowel disease that can be very deceiving to the outside world.
To the outside world, I looked great. I was still my outgoing and friendly self, super creative, adventurous, kind and empathetic. But on the inside, I was falling to pieces. I literally felt like someone was stabbing away at my intestines slowly and sadistically. My world was crashing and I was all alone to try and keep it from shattering...No amount of care and concern from people around could take the agony away. Even the doctors couldn't "get it". I had lost a lot of weight, was wearing super fashionable and form fitting clothing and was trying to maintain as much of the"normal me" as I could, whenever I could. But there were times when I just couldn't. Times when I was keeled over in the fetus position, crying in agony, praying for the unbearable pain to stop. I thank G-d every day of my life for the two angel doctors who figured out the best way to heal me. Thank G-d,I haven't had an episode since before I had kids.
So listen up, Outside World: You need a heck of a lot more awareness and empathy!!! There are millions of people who suffer silently every single day of their lives. Whether they have a mental illness like Depression, Anxiety or Bipolar Disorder, or they have a chronic and debilitating disease like Crohn's/Colitis/Fibromyalgia, DO NOT JUDGE a person by their outer appearance. They may look fine to you. They may even look great. Meanwhile, they may be struggling around the clock to keep their stuff together. If you see a seemingly fine person using a handicapped washroom stall, keep your mouth shut. If someone reacts to something you say or do in a way that seems exaggerated to you, BE KIND, NOT JUDGMENTAL. Offer support, not criticism. Be gentle, not gruff or rude. You never know what other people may be struggling with.
With Love,
Cigal
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